Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Stuck Living In Purgatory
There are so many things in life that I look at and get excited about that God has done, how life has come together for me. I’m so grateful for my wife, Ben, Jill & Ti. I love NorthWood. I love young church planters. I enjoy working globally. Still, there is much left undone and many dreams to be fulfilled. I have enough to keep me busy and focused for at least another 30 years--and if successful--will demand another 30 after that.
I remember the first time I realized I was not enough. It was in the second grade with my teacher Mrs. Mayfield. She was much like Oppy’s teacher in Mayberry that Andy dated! The class was divided into 3 reading groups. I was in the first group. Truth was, I struggled in that first group and the teacher knew it. She called my parents and told me one day I was good, but that maybe I should be in the second group--it would help me learn better and if I did good I could go back to the first group. I wondered if I was holding the first group back? What would the kids be like in the second group? I agreed and made the switch. I did ok, but after a while, she pulled me off to the side and said maybe I should go to the third group. I was embarrassed now--maybe this was to motivate me. That third group, those poor kids--they all knew who they were, and so did everyone else. There was some respectability in the second group-–but none in the third. I felt sorry for them. Now, I was going to be one of them. I told the teacher I didn’t want to, but would do whatever I needed to do. I was spared. But I also lost my confidence-–and that didn’t come real fast. It’s hard to believe I read as much as I do now.
I wanted to be in that first group--could survive in the second group--as long as I didn’t get lost in the third group. At times, as an adult, I’ve felt that way. I would strive to run with the fastest horses--sometimes I did, and other times I couldn’t keep up. I’ve discovered most people want to be in that first group and no one wants to be in the third group--but most people are stuck in a life experience of Purgatory--where they’re in between.
I visited with a very gifted pastor who has grown his church, yet for him not fast enough. Though he’s Protestant, you could hear purgatory fear in his voice. Stuck in mediocrity. We all feel it--as long as we’re being obedient we shouldn’t panic--instead we should embrace it.
The movie Sideways is about 2 guys in their 40’s with dreams that are not going to happen and hearing the clock’s tick get louder as they get older. At one point, one of them was asked why they liked a particular wine. His response was really good--in effect, he said it was because of the berries--any wine can be a cabernet--but there was this one grape that was good, but very tempermental and it grew only in special places in the world--tucked away. It took a certain temperature, soil, moisture--a lot of other things--but the grower of those grapes had to really know his grapes and when you tasted that wine--it was special. Another answered they liked wine because it was life. When they’d see the bottle they’d think of the year it was made, were the people still alive, what was going on in the world at that time--and each day until the day the wine is opened it is different--it’s living and changing.
I believe some of being stuck in purgatory--is all about becoming the unique person and grape that he has made each of us. Paul said he was like a drink offering ready to be poured out. That drink didn’t come without rain, drought, sun, and many other things that had to come at the right time and in the right amounts to make it incredibly unique. Furthermore, God has made us unique so that he can play us, use us--for that one special song or event or drink unlike any other for which we have been created. The key, don’t dread the desert--take notes, learn lessons--you’ll need them going up the mountain.
I remember the first time I realized I was not enough. It was in the second grade with my teacher Mrs. Mayfield. She was much like Oppy’s teacher in Mayberry that Andy dated! The class was divided into 3 reading groups. I was in the first group. Truth was, I struggled in that first group and the teacher knew it. She called my parents and told me one day I was good, but that maybe I should be in the second group--it would help me learn better and if I did good I could go back to the first group. I wondered if I was holding the first group back? What would the kids be like in the second group? I agreed and made the switch. I did ok, but after a while, she pulled me off to the side and said maybe I should go to the third group. I was embarrassed now--maybe this was to motivate me. That third group, those poor kids--they all knew who they were, and so did everyone else. There was some respectability in the second group-–but none in the third. I felt sorry for them. Now, I was going to be one of them. I told the teacher I didn’t want to, but would do whatever I needed to do. I was spared. But I also lost my confidence-–and that didn’t come real fast. It’s hard to believe I read as much as I do now.
I wanted to be in that first group--could survive in the second group--as long as I didn’t get lost in the third group. At times, as an adult, I’ve felt that way. I would strive to run with the fastest horses--sometimes I did, and other times I couldn’t keep up. I’ve discovered most people want to be in that first group and no one wants to be in the third group--but most people are stuck in a life experience of Purgatory--where they’re in between.
I visited with a very gifted pastor who has grown his church, yet for him not fast enough. Though he’s Protestant, you could hear purgatory fear in his voice. Stuck in mediocrity. We all feel it--as long as we’re being obedient we shouldn’t panic--instead we should embrace it.
The movie Sideways is about 2 guys in their 40’s with dreams that are not going to happen and hearing the clock’s tick get louder as they get older. At one point, one of them was asked why they liked a particular wine. His response was really good--in effect, he said it was because of the berries--any wine can be a cabernet--but there was this one grape that was good, but very tempermental and it grew only in special places in the world--tucked away. It took a certain temperature, soil, moisture--a lot of other things--but the grower of those grapes had to really know his grapes and when you tasted that wine--it was special. Another answered they liked wine because it was life. When they’d see the bottle they’d think of the year it was made, were the people still alive, what was going on in the world at that time--and each day until the day the wine is opened it is different--it’s living and changing.
I believe some of being stuck in purgatory--is all about becoming the unique person and grape that he has made each of us. Paul said he was like a drink offering ready to be poured out. That drink didn’t come without rain, drought, sun, and many other things that had to come at the right time and in the right amounts to make it incredibly unique. Furthermore, God has made us unique so that he can play us, use us--for that one special song or event or drink unlike any other for which we have been created. The key, don’t dread the desert--take notes, learn lessons--you’ll need them going up the mountain.
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